I don’t really like
writing about depressing things. I try to keep away from it as much as possible
to keep my sanity, intact. But then sometimes certain things create a stir of
emotions inside you and you just can’t let these crazy set of emotions wreak
havoc inside you. So, here I am to write about something that has hit me hard
on my face and punched me on my chest.
This is how it all started. Today, few hours ago I shared a post on
FB about how we women have the right to be ourselves, how important it is for
men to understand that we women are just human as men, and etc etc. Below the post that I
had shared, I noticed men had written disrespectful comments, and opinions against
women. This was nothing new to my eyes. But what surprised me or rather shocked
me was that women had also written equally insolent remarks against women. That’s
when I realized that what we notice today is just a tip of the ice-berg. The
problem that we are fighting against finds its roots deeply stretched across
the X chromosome. Of course we are dealing with a patriarchal society or a male dominated one as one likes to call it. And it will take some time for us to transform the society we currently survive in. But my problem right now is not the “Y” chromosome at all. I have a bigger worry.Well, let me explain.
When a girl in a
short skirt, dark lipstick, or a loud makeup enters a room, who is first one to assassinate her character and label her "A Slut"? Think about it. Haven’t we heard Girl A calling Girl B a
loose character, just because Girl B has a dressing sense which doesn't comply with the standards
set by Girl A? Don’t we know of aunties who term a girl characterless in their
apartment because she talks to boys? Have you never seen or heard of a mother
in law setting her daughter in law ablaze because the daughter in law failed to
fulfill the dowry requirements? When a girl gets raped, women are the first
ones to say, “Oh! She should have refrained from stepping out of the house
so late.” And how can I miss the classic one liners by Mothers themselves, “Roti nahin
banayegi to shaadi kaun karega?”(if you don’t learn to roll roti’s, no one will
marry you.”)There is no exhaustive list; I can go on and on.
Now you see where am
I coming from? It’s like we didn’t have enough problems already that we women
have waged a war against each other. And after being so discourteous to each
other we say we are not being heard. In many parts of our country women
themselves feel that it is only after they give birth to a boy that they will
be complete as a mother. I agree that it is the societal pressure which leads
to this deteriorated thought process. But doesn’t the society also comprise of
women?
I recall when I was in
Delhi few years ago to see a cousin of mine; she mentioned how worried she is
about her old age. She is blessed with two lovely daughters but she told me
that she feels inferior to other women who have been “lucky enough to give
birth to a son”. I felt disgusted and tried my best to explain her that she
must take care of her daughters well and that her daughters have the potential
to make it big. But I don’t think I was able to convince her. However, my cousins’
mother in law (who is a very gentle woman) could convince her and my cousin
realized that given an opportunity even girls can achieve greater heights.
Finally, some sanity prevailed. To tell you, this cousin of mine is a post
graduate and was always a very studious girl. On the contrary her mother in law
is not a very educated lady. Now, do I even need to tell you which woman in the
above case qualifies as “modern or advanced”? That’s when I realized it is not education
alone that can help our situation. We require a deeper understanding and
empathy for each other. The roots lie in the upbringing that a mother provides
to her growing daughter and the legacy that is passed on from one generation to
the other.
Think about it, we
fight with men in buses because they don’t offer seats to pregnant women. But there
is another question that stands upright in front of us, how many women stand up
to offer a seat when they see a pregnant lady standing helplessly? The answer
lies within each one of us. We women are Shakti and if we decide to stand up
for something, no man in this whole wide world can stop us. That is exactly why
we have been blessed with the right to create a new life, we are the creators.
Men are able to easily exploit us because we have arrogantly refused to stand
up for our own gender. We have decided to be judgmental of each other. We have
unanimously decided to let go of the divine power of empathy and affection that
we are blessed with.
I am in no way
defending the mean actions of men or the violence that many women are subjected
too by the opposite sex. What they have done to us or have been doing to us is unpardonable. All I am trying to say is that somewhere it is our fault
too. We as mothers have so many times made our own daughters feel inferior. We as
sisters have been unreasonably kind to our brothers. Haven’t we seen how
mothers come running to rescue their rapist son? I know we have truly modern
women too. However, the number of such women is so small that in most cases
they fall under the minority category and are labeled as “feminists”.
The fact is, before
we stage dharnas and shout slogans to change to the mindset of the male
population in our society, there is a lot of homework that you and I have to do
to change our mindset first. Accept it or not, we have also aggressively
participated with men in creating this garbage in our civilization, the stench
of which has now polluted our souls. Time has come to wage a war against our ailing
attitude too. We need to go back to our basics, again. We need to extend a helping
hand to each other. We need to accept each other as women. Because ladies, the
bitter truth is that more than this male dominated society, we have failed each
other.
I am not completely
broken. I am hopeful that someday we will see through the opaque lenses of our
eyes. We will shun denial and take responsibility. We will become better
friends, mothers, mother –in-laws, etc. And that is when we will be able to
transform the men in our society. That is exactly when we will win this war.
Nonetheless, today I am sad and hurt. And as I write this, I feel sorry for you
and me because as women, we have failed each other, miserably.
Heartbroken,
K
