Joy in the little things of Life!!

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Potter, Writer, Blogger, Quiller, Avid Reader, Chatter Box, Traveller, Foodie, photo crazy, Orchid lover, FB addict, and an enthusiast.... I work on extremes... You'll either find me laughing insanely or discussing something seriously serious.... I suffer from a laughter disorder...I am a lover of arts and crafts and anything that's colorful, bright and beautiful which includes my plants and my little lovely birdies... I am a mad friend, an insane daughter, a crazy wife and an unconventional sister... I choose to love, laugh and live!! My smile is contagious....So be careful :)

Thursday, November 13, 2014

We failed each other

I don’t really like writing about depressing things. I try to keep away from it as much as possible to keep my sanity, intact. But then sometimes certain things create a stir of emotions inside you and you just can’t let these crazy set of emotions wreak havoc inside you. So, here I am to write about something that has hit me hard on my face and punched me on my chest. 

This is how it all started. Today, few hours ago I shared a post on FB about how we women have the right to be ourselves, how important it is for men to understand that we women are just human as men, and etc etc. Below the post that I had shared, I noticed men had written disrespectful comments, and opinions against women. This was nothing new to my eyes. But what surprised me or rather shocked me was that women had also written equally insolent remarks against women. That’s when I realized that what we notice today is just a tip of the ice-berg. The problem that we are fighting against finds its roots deeply stretched across the X chromosome. Of course we are dealing with a patriarchal society or a male dominated one as one likes to call it. And it will take some time for us to transform the society we currently survive in. But my problem right now is not the “Y” chromosome at all. I have a bigger worry.Well, let me explain.

When a girl in a short skirt, dark lipstick, or a loud makeup enters a room, who is first one to assassinate her character and label her "A Slut"? Think about it. Haven’t we heard Girl A calling Girl B a loose character, just because Girl B has a dressing sense which doesn't comply with the standards set by Girl A? Don’t we know of aunties who term a girl characterless in their apartment because she talks to boys? Have you never seen or heard of a mother in law setting her daughter in law ablaze because the daughter in law failed to fulfill the dowry requirements? When a girl gets raped, women are the first ones to say, “Oh! She should have refrained from stepping out of the house so late.” And how can I miss the classic one liners by Mothers themselves, “Roti nahin banayegi to shaadi kaun karega?”(if you don’t learn to roll roti’s, no one will marry you.”)There is no exhaustive list; I can go on and on.

Now you see where am I coming from? It’s like we didn’t have enough problems already that we women have waged a war against each other. And after being so discourteous to each other we say we are not being heard. In many parts of our country women themselves feel that it is only after they give birth to a boy that they will be complete as a mother. I agree that it is the societal pressure which leads to this deteriorated thought process. But doesn’t the society also comprise of women?

I recall when I was in Delhi few years ago to see a cousin of mine; she mentioned how worried she is about her old age. She is blessed with two lovely daughters but she told me that she feels inferior to other women who have been “lucky enough to give birth to a son”. I felt disgusted and tried my best to explain her that she must take care of her daughters well and that her daughters have the potential to make it big. But I don’t think I was able to convince her. However, my cousins’ mother in law (who is a very gentle woman) could convince her and my cousin realized that given an opportunity even girls can achieve greater heights. Finally, some sanity prevailed. To tell you, this cousin of mine is a post graduate and was always a very studious girl. On the contrary her mother in law is not a very educated lady. Now, do I even need to tell you which woman in the above case qualifies as “modern or advanced”?  That’s when I realized it is not education alone that can help our situation. We require a deeper understanding and empathy for each other. The roots lie in the upbringing that a mother provides to her growing daughter and the legacy that is passed on from one generation to the other.

Think about it, we fight with men in buses because they don’t offer seats to pregnant women. But there is another question that stands upright in front of us, how many women stand up to offer a seat when they see a pregnant lady standing helplessly? The answer lies within each one of us. We women are Shakti and if we decide to stand up for something, no man in this whole wide world can stop us. That is exactly why we have been blessed with the right to create a new life, we are the creators. Men are able to easily exploit us because we have arrogantly refused to stand up for our own gender. We have decided to be judgmental of each other. We have unanimously decided to let go of the divine power of empathy and affection that we are blessed with.

I am in no way defending the mean actions of men or the violence that many women are subjected too by the opposite sex. What they have done to us or have been doing to us is unpardonable. All I am trying to say is that somewhere it is our fault too. We as mothers have so many times made our own daughters feel inferior. We as sisters have been unreasonably kind to our brothers. Haven’t we seen how mothers come running to rescue their rapist son? I know we have truly modern women too. However, the number of such women is so small that in most cases they fall under the minority category and are labeled as “feminists”.  

The fact is, before we stage dharnas and shout slogans to change to the mindset of the male population in our society, there is a lot of homework that you and I have to do to change our mindset first. Accept it or not, we have also aggressively participated with men in creating this garbage in our civilization, the stench of which has now polluted our souls. Time has come to wage a war against our ailing attitude too. We need to go back to our basics, again. We need to extend a helping hand to each other. We need to accept each other as women. Because ladies, the bitter truth is that more than this male dominated society, we have failed each other.

I am not completely broken. I am hopeful that someday we will see through the opaque lenses of our eyes. We will shun denial and take responsibility. We will become better friends, mothers, mother –in-laws, etc. And that is when we will be able to transform the men in our society. That is exactly when we will win this war. Nonetheless, today I am sad and hurt. And as I write this, I feel sorry for you and me because as women, we have failed each other, miserably.


Sunday, November 9, 2014

Super SIX

“So, do you like reading, R?” I typed anticipating a YES
“YES, I do.” Came a prompt reply
“Oh! Wow! Me too… I love fiction, love stories. How about you?” I typed again
“Well, I like sci-fi and books that give us a glimpse of the universe, our galaxy, and the many stars.” He typed.
Stars, really? He is such a nerd, I thought to myself. I imagined him wearing big glasses with a square shaped frame. His hair oiled till the end of every follicle and neatly combed. I also imagined him with braces on his teeth.
“So you like all this aliens and spaceship stuff, huh?” I wrote again.
“Well, Yes K. I have loved reading about it since my childhood. Do you like such stuff?” He asked this time sensing my discomfort with this genre.
“Ah! Not really, but you never know, I may like it, if I ever read it!” I tried to be as polite as possible.

This was one of the initial chats I had with him. Soon after this the duration of our chats increased exponentially. But the image of him being a nerd stayed in my head for some time till our first meeting.
On a bright sunny day of July, I saw a tall, dusky man, with long locks, dimpled cheeks, a beautiful  smile, broad shoulders, a very sturdy frame, big bright eyes, and arms that could wrap a tiny being like me with utmost ease. His branded Tee, Jeans, and boots added to his charismatic personality. He was the exact opposite to the nerd who lived in my head. The stereotype in my head was shattered in to pieces. He walked towards me and swept me off my feet, well, literally.
That is the day I realized that the rest of my life will be spent shuttling between the Milky Way, the gym, and the branded showrooms. And that’s how it has been. Crazy indeed!

Wrong Dates - 2009
R: Happy birthday K, dhan tan dhan… your favourite black forest cake.
K: whose birthday is it today? (sarcasm)
R: Hun, you forgot your own birthday? I thought you were good with dates. You even remember the date when we first met.
K: Hun, you see my birthday was yesterday. You missed it by a day….anger and tears making their way out.
R: stunned, confused, and almost froze where he stood.
We celebrated the birthday on 10th instead of 9th after a certain amount of emotional atyachaar. JAnd since then R has saved all the important dates in his phone including the one when we first met. He has never missed a date since then.

Gifts – 2010
K: Happy Anniversary, R. Thank God you told me you wanted a phone. Its so difficult to choose a gadget.
R: Thanks K. It’s a wonderful one and Happy Anniversary to you too. Here’s your surprise gift.
K: what is it?
R: well, open and see. You will love it.
K:Really? Unwrapping the gift and then shocked. It’s a PEN DRIVE, R.
R: Nice, na? 8 GB….!!!!  
K: what am I going to do with it?
R: well, I agree. No worries, I can use it. Thanks K.
K: grumpy face.
After that I have been gifted a 16 GB pen drive, a DSLR camera, and many such gadgets. Smart man that he is!

The Gentleman – 2011
Kaku: R, I am very impressed. You open the car door for your wife. What a gentleman you are.
K: blushing and cheeks turning pink. R loves me so much Kaku.
R: Well, Kaku, she is lovely. But you see she bangs the car door every time she gets in and gets out of the car. Hence, to save the doors from getting slammed and broken this is my small attempt.
K: cheeks turning red in anger.
R still opens the door and closes it when I get in to our car for that matter any one’s car. Sigh!

 A fair chance -2012
K: (on the phone) You know what happened today, R? blah blah blah..bleh bleh bleh.
R: Okay….
K: and then blah blah blah, bleh bleh bleh
R: Hmmm…
K: R I am talking nonstop and all you are saying is Okay and Hmmm….
R: K, before I can even complete, you start from the other end, already. You have to give me a fair chance, babes.
K: Oooops!!
Since then I have started taking a 30 second pause after my paragraph ends to give R a fair chance to speak. J

Ek Cup Chai - 2013
R: come home early na, K. I will make chai for you.
K: Okay let me see.
Me getting home early to enjoy the evening chai with R.
K: You enjoy having chai with me don’t you?
R: Well, certainly K. It is your company that keeps me going. But honestly I love the constant entertainment of your nonstop blabbering during our chai times. Laughing loudly.
K: a little grumpy, a little happy.
Our chai times are still very entertaining.

The Scary Revenge – 2014
K: You said it is going to be a romantic movie. It was an action movie.
R: Didn’t you see, there was a love angle to it?
K: keeping quiet. After a few days… the scene was reversed.
R: It was not a horror movie, K. 
K: Of course it was R. In fact the name itself was “Bhoothnath Returns” J
Since then we have arrived on a compromise. No surprise movie tickets, please!

So as we complete 6 years of insanity, madness, fun, and togetherness, I still feel it’s a dream. I pinch myself every time and realize, No, it’s not. It is the most beautiful reality of my life.

Today we saw Interstellar and the movie very subtly sent out a message that love knows no dimensions. It is beyond any physical dimensions. It is a bond that exists beyond the physical dimensions of our lives.

Happy Wedding Anniversary R… Life is worth living only because you are a part of it.

Love and lots of love (beyond physical dimensions),